Real Couples Share How Their Chronic Skin Conditions Impact Their Relationships

“Couples skin care” is currently trending on TikTok, where the hashtag is flooded with radiant pairs perched over his and hers sinks, often accompanied by matching headbands, aesthetic products, and barely a blemish in sight. For those with chronic skin conditions, skin care also plays a role in our relationships, but arguably a far less cookie-cutter one. Navigating a chronic skin condition such as vitiligo, eczema, acne, psoriasis, or rosacea can impact daily life and, as a result, considerably affect relationship dynamics.

I’m a psoriasis sufferer with acne-prone skin, married to a man who has dealt with acne for over ten years. My husband and I have had endless conversations about skin and discomfort and supported each other through the ups and downs of life with a chronic skin condition. However, chronic skin conditions can cause real (or imagined) strain in many relationships where only one party suffers.

Expert Featured In This Article

Alia Ahmed, MD, is a consultant dermatologist based in the UK and an expert in psychodermatology.

It Can Put Pressure on Both Partners in the Relationship

“Skin conditions can put all sorts of pressure on relationships,” dermatologist Alia Ahmed, MD, says. “People with them can often feel embarrassed or guilty about how their skin looks and hence avoid physical or intimate contact. They may also be experiencing physical symptoms like pain, itching, or bleeding, which can be very difficult for both the sufferer and their loved one.” I can definitely relate to this feeling, even though my partner also has a skin condition.

Before we got together, my husband was unfamiliar with psoriasis, and despite his constant support, I can’t help but feel like a burden when my skin flares up. Once, we left the house only for the psoriasis on my feet to become so inflamed by my shoes that we had to come home early. We didn’t leave the house for the rest of the weekend as I struggled to walk. I felt flustered, embarrassed, and deeply frustrated, as though I was preventing both of us from a day out. However, with this support, I have continued to work on my self-esteem over the past few years. I feel grateful that I have someone who cares about me deeply enough to sacrifice time to help me cope with my condition.

Compromise and Compassion Is Key

Those without skin conditions may be surprised by their magnitude and the sacrifices required in relationships because of them. Skin conditions can determine everything from where you live to your travel plans. For Kate Pasola, who has rosacea and has been with her girlfriend for five years, taking a vacation was something that terrified her in the earlier days of their relationship. Rosacea is triggered by time in the sun, and Kate was worried about having it all laid bare on a beach holiday. From an extensive skin-care routine to the flare-ups following the beach, it was the first time her girlfriend, Mathilde Lopes, would see the true extent of Pasola’s rosacea. In fact, Pasola had left the bed in the morning to apply subtle makeup and mask the redness several times before.

According to Dr. Ahmed, people with chronic skin-care conditions need to modify their lifestyles, and in many cases, loved ones may follow the same choices. Compromise looks different for every couple, and for Pasola and Lopes, it means a strong sun shade on the beach, generously applied sunscreen, and sometimes forgoing another dip in the sea. While these may seem like small changes, they can make a world of difference to someone with a chronic skin condition.

“I hear from my patients that they have avoided having a relationship or coming out of one because they are worried about the effect their skin condition will have on their partner,” says Dr. Ahmed. But leaning into a relationship is something that Pasola personally has found great comfort in. “It’s incredibly healing being with someone who’s shown me love and appreciation through my skin’s ups and downs,” she says.

For Alice Watson*, a 28-year-old who has recently purchased a home with her boyfriend, Liam Green*, his severe eczema played a role in where they chose to commit as first-time buyers. Triggered by dust and pollution, the pair were keen to look for a new building outside of the city, opting for a development where they would be the first to live in the home.

“Older houses gather dust easily, particularly where there have been years of tenants and carpets – we steered clear of anywhere with high-reaching, hard-to-clean areas or corners that would gather dust.” To Watson, the hardest part about being with someone who has a chronic skin condition is seeing their suffering and feeling helpless, but she does think it has helped bring them closer.

Support Takes on Many Different Forms

“Liam is always extremely apologetic for any changes I have to make due to his skin, but I find that so much of how I show love is in affection through care,” Watson says. Supporting Green by applying his cream, listening to his experiences, and helping him research possible solutions means the skin condition brings them closer rather than coming between them. “I feel a lot of empathy for him, as any frustration I may feel on his behalf, he will be feeling tenfold.” As Watson also has a chronic autoimmune disorder, she knows how crucial a partner’s support is and finds that they both work together to help each other through flare-ups.

Pasola’s girlfriend has also supported her through research: “She’s taken the time to learn what ingredients I can and can’t use, and often treats me to face masks to calm my face – she’ll wear one, too, and we’ll make a date out of it.” Dr. Ahmed recommends education as a way to support someone who is struggling with a physically visible skin condition. “Much information is online, including support groups and patient forums. You can also ask if you would be welcome to join at the next medical appointment, which might provide the chance to encourage your partner to discuss any difficulties and ask questions to better understand their situation.” She urges that, above all, be open and sensitive.

“People have good and bad days, and sometimes your partner may not want to engage in conversation about their skin, which does not reflect on you,” Dr. Ahmed says. “Respecting the wishes of people with skin conditions and giving them space to open up is very important and helps to build trust.”

Zara Khan*, who is married and a mother of two little boys, experienced lichen planus and vitiligo earlier in her marriage and found solace that she didn’t feel like her husband or sons saw the condition as extensively as she did. “My husband was worried about the lichen planus, just as neither of us knew what it was, and were worried about the rate at which it was spreading, but other than that, it didn’t impact him, which made me feel more accepting.”

Compromise, empathy, and kindness are key to the success of any relationship, and those that involve skin-care conditions are no different. For those who experience them and feel like they are burdening their loved ones, take reassurance that all of the couples we spoke to didn’t feel weighed down by the skin condition – or feel the strength of their relationship was compromised by it. Simultaneously, you have every right to feel the way you do. “There is evidence that the severity of the skin condition does not dictate the psychological impact, so even clinically ‘mild’ conditions can hugely affect an individual,” says Dr. Ahmed.

Your feelings and experiences are so valid. And for those supporting a loved one, cut yourself some slack. You’re probably doing so much more than they expect you to and much better than you think.

– Pseudonyms have been used.

Sidra Imtiaz is a freelance British Pakistani Muslim beauty writer and PR expert based in London, but often in the US. She has written for Refinery29, Glamour, InStyle, Bustle, Who What Wear, and PS.

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