Dear Abby: Strung along by secretive ex-turned-lover
The frustrating thing is, he doesn't want to let me know where he lives. He says it's a comfort thing for him to have "just his space."
Dear Abby: I was with my ex-fiance for 13 years. Not long after he broke up with me, I found myself going to meet him at a hotel. We have been seeing each other regularly, once a week at least. We go out and enjoy our time together like we are dating.
The frustrating thing is, he doesn’t want to let me know where he lives. He says it’s a comfort thing for him to have “just his space.” It has been a year and a half since our breakup. Anytime I ask about our situation, he says he doesn’t know what he wants.
All of the things he does for me show he loves and cares about me. It feels like we are in this weird limbo, almost like he’s stringing me along because he doesn’t say if he ever wants to get back together. He says, “Why can’t you just enjoy what we’re doing?” I want more with him and better than we had before.
We were in a bad place before, and I didn’t treat him well. I was going through things and took it out on him. In our time apart, no longer being a couple, I have worked on myself to become a happier and healthier person and have gotten my life in order. I love him very much, and I am hoping for more. Any advice? — Situationship in California
Dear Situationship: When a person is secretive, they usually have something to hide. Because your not-quite-ex refuses to give you his address (after a year and a half!), it’s likely he has someone living there with him. Before your engagement ended, you demonstrated that you could be abusive when you were stressed. That he doesn’t want to risk another round of that is understandable.
From what you have written, he’s enjoying things just the way they are. He doesn’t WANT more. Because you do, you will have to find someone who can give you the future you’re looking for.
Dear Abby: I am a straight male who likes wearing ladies’ biker shorts under my shorts and pants. In the winter, I love wearing ladies’ leggings and stockings because they keep my legs warm. I also love the way they feel. No one knows about me doing this. I’ve been in a relationship for many years, and my girlfriend doesn’t know. Is it OK to wear these items? — Secretive in New York
Dear Secretive: From your description, you are what is defined as an undercover cross-dresser. By doing this, you are hurting no one. You are far from the only man who enjoys it. Yes, it’s OK to continue as you have been doing.
Dear Abby: I have a brother-in-law who, when he gives a hello or goodbye hug, wants to give a kiss on the lips. My wife doesn’t want the kiss and turns her head away. He then proceeds to kiss her on the cheek, which she doesn’t want either, especially when it’s an open-mouth slobber. He does this with other sisters-in-law, and most of them turn their heads when he comes running with the pucker. How can we approach this situation without hurting his feelings or embarrassing him? — Smooched in Wisconsin
Dear Smooched: May it be frank? People who are so insensitive that they fail to recognize when a kiss is unwanted NEED to be told directly that it is a turnoff. If that “embarrasses” the kisser, so be it. (Yuck!)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
What's Your Reaction?
