Are you a bad gift-giver? Here’s how to tell, according to a pro

There’s always been a saying, an expression of exaggerated exasperation, that’s irked me: “What do you get for the person who has everything?” 

The fundamental flaw of that question is that it ignores a very important fact: The person who has everything is probably rich, and you should never feel all that burdened about what to get them. If you told me that you’re agonizing over what to get a rich person, I would ask you to reevaluate your priorities. Rich people have enough money that they can buy whatever they want.

But since the rich are people, and people celebrate birthdays, holidays, and milestones with presents, there will sometimes be a rare occasion when someone needs to get them a gift. And the exasperation goes from imaginary frustration to real annoyance. 

That’s when people, mostly rich ones, call The Gifterie, a bespoke gifting concierge that helps clients choose the perfect gift for the most affluent, famous, and picky people in the world. 

The Gifterie is the creation of Elise Nach and Min Polley. They came to me highly recommended by a few celebrity personal assistants. Whether the recipient is an avid golfer or a newborn nepo baby, Nach and Polley will find just the thing. I spoke with Nach about the difference between good and bad gifts, what they’ve learned from gifting the hardest people to buy for, how we — normies — can translate that to the presents we give this holiday season, and, of course, the most absurd celebrity request they’ve ever taken. 

Our conversation has been edited for length and clarity.

Alex Abad-Santos: I asked one of my friends who works as a celebrity’s personal assistant to ask his colleagues and they all recommended The Gifterie. And now I’m here to ask you, the experts, what to get people — like celebrities — who have everything.

Elise Nach: As a company we’re used to working with a variety of requests, whether it is very specific, like, “Blake Lively is having another baby. We need to send something she doesn’t have,” to [working with] Amazon, when they’re launching a new series and they want to send something fun to all their press and talent. 

When it comes to either the celebrity gifting or higher-end clientele that really have everything, we always say it’s more about making something feel special — [showing] that you put thought into it. Because they have a thousand scarves or they have a thousand different baby toys. Whether it’s etching a baby’s name on a gift or stitching someone’s initials on something, things like that seem to make a bigger impact with the recipient than just another Hermès scarf. 

Which again, lovely. Who doesn’t want to get that? 

If anyone is reading this, I would not turn down a Hermès scarf. 

Of course, I wouldn’t either. But the key to successful gift-giving is really personalizing it. That doesn’t necessarily mean it has to have their name on it, but just knowing the recipient well enough to say, “Okay, this person really loves X.”

That could be golf, or travel, or something like, “We know they’re going on a huge press tour,” so we want to get them something to carry their stuff. It’s something you can home in on — think about the conversations you’ve had with this person and what they’re about. It’s just so much more thoughtful. 

How much do you need to know about the recipient to feel like you have the confidence that you can give a good gift? You’re getting great gifts for people you might never even meet.

There’s a couple of our clients that we work with on a continuous basis, and they just email us and they’ll say, so and so — typically, an actor or a director or somebody that works on one of their shows — is having a birthday or having a baby, and we want to send something.

Whether the budget is $150 or $5,000, our team will dig in and do a little deep dive on the internet on these people, and see if we can figure out something that they like or are interested in. We’ll do a little sleuthing and figure out, like, “Okay, this person seems to really love backpacking.” And we would recommend outdoorsy things. 

We’re really trying to stay on the pulse of what’s cool, what brands are trendy, quality brands in all different kinds of categories. 

It isn’t necessarily that we have to know a certain amount of information about the people that we’re gifting, it’s just the more we know, the better, right? If you receive a thoughtful gift, it’s because somebody really thought of you and took the time to think, “What would this person like?” 

I think what you’re getting at — and maybe this is the key to all gift-giving — is that it just comes down to thoughtfulness. Showing someone that you’ve thought about them. 

We have this quote on our website: “Happiness doesn’t result from what you get, but from what you give.” That’s basically our motto. Whether they’re going through something rough or they’re celebrating an amazing milestone, giving people something that has thought behind it and brings them joy is always the best direction. 

When it comes from someone else, it’s that extra level of excitement that somebody else got it for you. You didn’t buy it for yourself; someone took the time to think of you. It’s just a lovely feeling. 

I know we’re talking about high-end clientele and very rich people, but do you need a big budget to get people thoughtful presents?

It’s not so much how much something costs, but how much you put the thought into it and made it feel special. 

Presentation is also a big component. How we gift wrap things — adding dried flowers, the kind of ribbon you use, the paper, etc. — we really think about taking it to another level of not just sticking it in a box. We get a lot of feedback from recipients that the gift was just so beautifully gift-wrapped that they didn’t even want to open it. And then to open it and find something so pretty inside is also a really nice touch. 

So for people that are gifting who don’t have a big celebrity budget, you can still wrap it in a really beautiful way and make it feel elevated and special. You can get stuff at Michael’s. It doesn’t have to be from fancy places online. And when you receive a gift like that, it feels like somebody put extra thought into it. 

Are there any gift ideas people should avoid? 

Ice cream.

But that’s a wonderful gift!

Have you tried shipping it?  We’ve done it, but it’s a nightmare and very stressful. I would also avoid anything super perishable. That would definitely be number one. If you know you’re not going to overnight it, if it’s something that isn’t going to be locally given, then I would probably avoid food.

Are there polarizing foods that are a no-go? Raisins? I hate raisins. 

No, we don’t usually include raisins. I mean, how do I say this? Probably avoid cheese that is … you know… more potent. But really, avoid things that are perishable.  

With gifts that are very breakable, make sure they’re padded and packaged correctly. One of the worst things is sending someone a gift and something shows up broken.

Is there such a thing as a bad gift?

I just think being generic just shows that you didn’t put any thought into it. You know what I mean? 

Just save your money. People would prefer a card or gift card, if you’re not going to put thought into it. 

Do you have a go-to gift for someone that’s just notoriously hard to buy for?

Sometimes when it’s something celebratory, like someone just won an Emmy — that can be a tough gift. For those kinds of gifts, we’ll do a beautiful bottle of champagne and we will etch on the bottle, “Congratulations on your Emmy win” with their name or the date. It’s something that they could drink, but they could also put it on a shelf and always see it as another trophy. It’s a thoughtful way of enhancing a bottle of champagne or their favorite liquor. 

If you know that they love a certain whiskey, or a beautiful bottle of champagne, or a really expensive bottle of wine, and it’s for someone who has everything — those seem to always go over well because you’re getting them something they love, they’ll definitely drink it at some point.

What’s the most difficult request you’ve ever gotten?

Okay, so not naming names. 

I totally want you to name names but I understand. 

We got a request from an assistant at a record label: “So and so is coming in. They’re really big. We really need a welcome or a thank you gift basket for them. Can you spend X amount and put all this stuff together?” 

We said sure, and that we could do something beautiful — a basket of wine, cheeses,  and all these fresh goods. And the assistant was like, “Can you get it here by 2 pm?” And this was like 10:30 in the morning. 

From the valley to Santa Monica is not easy. It’s about a 45-minute drive at 2 pm, and longer with traffic. We went to all of our favorite shops, curated this gorgeous present, but were running out of time to get it to the place. 

The assistant kept texting and emailing us, asking when we were going to get there. And he wound up meeting Min on the side of the 405, not like the actual freeway — they exited and drove off the freeway — but they met halfway, and she handed off the gift.  The time constraint made it one of the craziest requests. We were just like chickens with our heads cut off trying to make it happen.

We don’t ever want to say no to anything — we do once in a while — but sometimes we’re like,  “Oh, this would be so fun.”

Getting something special every time seems incredibly stressful. I only have five friends and I’m already fretting about Christmas. But you’ve turned that stress into a business. 

It’s exciting because every single day we’re working on different things. We love answering weird requests and hard calls. We really love anything random and unique. We love figuring it all out. 

We’re coming up with unique ideas, whether it’s for one person or for 100 people. Because if it was just the same thing, then we would just have an automated website, and people would pick from it, and that would be that. 

A website full of generic nonperishable cheese boards. 

Exactly.